Last night, I dreamed that I was playing basketball.
I know, surprise, right?
Well, in this game, I was playing with Charles Barkley, Ahmad Rashad, Michael Jordan, Patrick Ewing, John Starks, Dominique Wilkins, Scottie Pippen, Muggsy Bogues and Craig Seger.
We were playing in a sold out gymnasium that had a high school feel to it in that it had bleachers only on one side of the court. It was for charity.
Craig Seger showed up in a red-headed afro wig, purple satin tighty shorts, rainbow tank top and knee high red-white-and-blue socks. Everyone laughed at him and called him a clown. And he took attention away from Ahmad Rashad who, in my dream, was no better than the average punk streetballer who you meet in your city courts ….. and he shot like Carlton from Fresh Prince.
After warm ups, we began to play. Me, MJ, Pipp, Ewing and Ahmad vs. Starks, ‘nique, Sir Charles, Muggsy and Seger.
A few plays into the game, MJ passed to me on the baseline and I went up for the shot – short corner, easy money. Well, Barkley destroyed my shot. He grabbed his own block, passed the outlet to Muggsy and he rifled it to John Starks on the opposite wing. Starks raced up the court with the ball and tried to cross over Pipp on the wing but he stepped on Pipp’s shoe by accident. His fibula cracked at the midway point and he collapsed to the ground, screaming in agony. His leg was all lumpy where the break was and everyone was like “ew”.
Then I woke up.
I was sweating (as though I had played basketball) and I grasped at my ankle to make sure it was ok. Then I jumped out of bed, ran to my front window and checked to make sure my car was not towed overnight.
Don’t ask, I had just woken up from a dream. Go with it.
Then, upon seeing that my car was fine, I hopped back into bed and was asleep within a few minutes.
I never get tired of saying it. It’s like a Superman movie, where Superman is flying above the city and 2 guys are looking up AT Superman, one turns to the other and says “That’s Superman!” Well duh! That is Superman and Ron Artest is crazy!
Ron Artest fell down some stairs, gave himself a concussion and a deep gash on the back of his head and elbow at Christmas . It was all over the news. Everyone was concerned about him. And I was at first, until I realized that Ron Artest was drunk when he fell.
Reports now say that he fell while carrying Christmas boxes into his house and slipped on some steps. He says that he does not remember anything about the fall, but that he was OUT for a few minutes. But, somehow, when he came to, he had enough sense to TEXT Kobe Bryant that he fell and that he was going to the hospital.
Originally, I heard and read that he fell down a flight of stairs in his house. That would have been more serious and more worthy of sympathy and understanding. But after reading that he fell INTO the stairs at his home OUTSIDE made me think about it a bit more. How do you fall INTO stairs and hit the back of your head? How do you fall INTO stairs and gash your elbow? A person with all 5 senses intact would put their hand out to cushion the fall and try to support themselves with their legs. AT WORST, you fall face first and scrape your hands and maybe your knees. But Ron fell backwards, like a plank of wood, and cut his elbows trying to hold himself up. Okay ….
Here’s MY theory on what happened. Artest was drunk and he fell because he was so drunk that he could not maintain his own balance. ANYONE who slips on some stairs in a place where there is NEVER any snow (or ice) probably fell because he was drunk. Either that, or the laws of gravity were changed for Ron Artest for a brief 20 seconds as he waltzed up the stairs.
If it was an accident, then he would not have fallen on his back. If it was an accident, he would not have texted someone after waking up – because that’s not what normal, logical people do. If it was an accident, he would not have scraped his back or gashed his elbow. For the record, I think his elbow was cut because he could feel himself falling and tried to cushion the fall.
For those who say he was carrying Christmas boxes, I’ll tell you what was inside of them ….. LIQUOR! The man is Vin Baker in disguise!
But I get it. I understand …. Christmas …. a party … you’re home, glad to be home with friends …. you have a few, maybe drive home ….. I get it. It’s the holidays … time to tie one on, right?
What his wife SHOULD have done when she found him passed out on his front steps, on his back, smelling of liquor is to either call the insane asylum OR call Alcoholics Anonymous.
Think I’m crazy? Then check out just how many other “crazy” people are out there, too. Then afterward, call your doctor and have him give you a frontal lobotomy … cuz your brain? Yeah, you don’t need it.
I’m gonna write this down because I don’t ever wanna forget it. It was just way too funny ….
So a few nights ago I dreamed that I was at my local YMCA playing some pickup basketball when Rasheed Wallace showed up. I don’t know WHY he was there, but he started shit talking me and telling me to play against him.
I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge. So I accepted the offer.
We began to play and I was, surprisingly, holding my own fairly well – it was a DREAM, remember? He would post me up and I would either get help or go underneath just enough to bother him into a turnover or miss.
On offense, I just passed the ball. hahahahaha.
And, for some reason, Michael Jackson’s “Just good friends” was playing on the sound system in the gym. The song was set to repeat over and over.
Anyway, at one point, he began to get upset with me and started to play dirty. Remember that scene in Along Came Polly? The armpit scene?
Yeah, Rasheed did that to me.
And then I woke up singing Michael Jackson.
I was confused at first, like “What was THAT all about?!?!?” but then I just let it go and enjoyed the fact that I got to play against Rasheed and that I had an awesome MJ tune stuck in my head.
Even if it was a dream, there’s not many people that can claim to have played pickup ball against ‘sheed. Especially here in Canada!
I have an account that keeps track of certain statistics on my site. For example, I can see when someone comes over from a search engine and what the search term was that they were looking for.
Well, this week someone on the Int3Rwee8Z was actuallylooking for an image of a Bobcat fighting a Tiger.
I laughed out loud when I saw this. The IDEA is just silly! So I went online to look for information as to HOW silly the prospect of a Tiger “fighting” a Bobcat really is and this is what I found …
Full Grown Weight: Around 700lbs – this is about 100 – 125lbs more than a full grown Lion.
The largest recorded Tiger weighed in at 1,000lbs
Full Grown Size: In length, from 7 – 13 FEET. In height, up to 3 FEET
Where are they found: Mainly in Asia, in the regions of Nepal, Bangladesh, Bhatan, and Malaysia as well as India.
So …. as we can see, aside from the OBVIOUS height, length and weight advantage the tiger has, the two animals live in 2 entirely different ecological systems and in two completely opposite areas of the world. The chances of a Tiger meeting a Bobcat in the wild and having that encounter be caught by a National Geographic Photo Crew are about as good as yourchances of dating Beyonce Knowles …. Or being struck in the head by an Asteroid.
And IF a Tiger ever was pitted against a Bobcat in a “fight to the death”, then I would gather that the Tiger would floss his genitals with the Bobcat first before eating it in one bite. Not to mention the legal ramifications of setting up that grudge match.
So to whomever is out there looking for Images of a Bobcat fighting a Tiger, how about if I just post a picture of Trogdor fighting a Liger?
That seems like a more plausible scenario seeing as it would be an artist’s paper and pencil that would bring this encounter to life as opposed to … you know … REAL LIFE. Plus I’ve added a few Scrabble tiles in there so you can earn POINTS for your imagination.
Of ALL the vices that are available as a professional (and as an adult) none are more alluring than the opposite sex. Or so it appears to be the case with a number of athletes and coaches that have fallen to the temptations of the flesh recently. I was looking at the NCAA pages of SportingNews.com and saw one headline that led to another and another. Here are some of the ones that caught my eye …..
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Most recetly, Coach Rick Pitino has been embroiled in asoap-opera style sexual indiscretion that spans 6 years and a $10 Million Dollar extortion.
Meanwhile, Sacramento Kings Center Justin Williams, in his second year in the L, and his girlfriend HAD also been accused of sexual assault on a woman, but it was determined that it was, after all, a consensual threesome.
Oh, and Baron Davis apparently lost his laptop with a bunch of … erm … “personal” photos of himself. I want to add something witty about intelligence and care of one’s possessions, but the stupidity of the whole thing leaves me speechless.
Also, Ruben Patterson was fined $1000 for failing to register as a sexual offender in Cincinnati. Remember that one? The one in 2001 where he entered a modified guilty plea in Washington state to third-degree attempted rape for allegedly forcing his children’s nanny to perform a sex act on him? Yeah, I thought y’all might remember that one.
The associate men’s basketball coach at Maine has resigned after beingcharged with making sexual advances on a member of the women’s soccer team.
Finally, a formerhigh school girls basketball coach was sentenced to 20 yearsprobation for a sexual relationship with a 16-year-old girl. The offending coach was FEMALE and she forced her player to “commit sex acts” with the victim in a gym restroom. Day-um, right?
In other sports ….
And these are just the most current ones in the NBA! In the NFL, Ben Rothleisberger is also entrenched in a sexual assault scandal.
David Frost (a former coach of the junior A Quinte Hawks, accused of four counts of sexual exploitation relating to two of his former players) also seems to be in the clear for the moment as threesomes that he “forced his players to perform” never actually happened.
And the women’s soccer coach (James Riverso, 28) at Le Moyne College in Syracuse, N.Y. has quit his job after allegations that he texted sexually explicit messagesto a girl (16 years old) he once coached at a youth soccer club.
So I had something like over 250 hits in 2 days and most of my visitors last week were looking for “Ben+Wallace” pics.
My last post on this strange phenomenon stated ….. “y’all know I don’t have and will never have any naked Ben Wallace pics, right?”
Well, I’ve had 99% of the hits stop coming after that statement, which is funny in and of itself.
FUNNIER still is the fact that I’ve had some websites subscribe to my blog via RSS. One of those websites is www.sexyasia.com with the tagline “Only the best in asian porno”
What the Hell?!?!?!?
I suppose that porn webmasters are basketball fans too …. it’s just so fricking bizarre …
